Perfect Storm

I wonder,

And it’s no new speculation

Why am I not the one you want?

For you,

And so many in the past I’ve felt a pull to

I go unnoticed,

When all I want is to be near you,

And for you to want to be near me in turn

I should be used to it by now,

Having been the second choice, left out, forgotten and ignored one since I was a little girl

I’m not one of the lucky ones like you

You who have everything a boy could need

So lovely, intelligent, talented, warm and an expert on the way to get girls like me

To fall

You are a perfect storm

And you don’t even try

Meanwhile I’m an insecure mess

I forget myself around you,

Can’t recall my own religion

You know exactly what to say, do, and think

To be wonderful

Whilst my own opinions are too easily swayed

I always get it wrong

When you look at me that way,

I can’t think straight

My flustered mind disconnects from my clumsy body

I will likely drop, break or otherwise mess something up

Because you disarm me

It’s not cynicism or exaggeration

It’s true

I repel the people I want to be close with

Over think every word and interaction

It’s a vicious cycle,

And I don’t know how to escape

You’re like a song whose lyrics speak to my heart

And I just want you to see

That if you’re willing to see past my galaxy of weaknesses

I have something to offer, too

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