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depression, mental health, poetry, prose

Heavy

i

Depression

Is a simple word that doesn’t seem to do the

Reality

Of the experience

Justice

For those who have never experienced it,

I will try to

ii

The will to live

Is ripped from your soul

You are left with an empty mess of a shell

Who has nothing to give

And nothing to say

iii

Everything is heavy

It’s Monday Morning on repeat

It’s the feeling when there are far too many

Seconds,

Minutes,

Hours,

Days

Between you and Friday evening,

When you can let go pretence of normality,

Wallow in the crushing despair

Even Friday is too close too Monday to be carefree – a feeling that has evaded you for years now

iv

There is pleasure in the pain

The tears

And the cuts that pique the numbness

It’s easier to let depression pin you down

Hold you back,

Keep you safe inside

Than it is to exhaust yourself in the losing fight against it

You can trust that it will never leave you

v

Anxiety,

And an imminent sense of doom

Taint every thought

You can’t cry it out,

Nothing helps

No words can convince you

That life will get better

vi

A vicious cycle of self-loathing,

Alienation

And avoidance

Of the world

You would only be bad company

No one could understand

So

Don’t

Talk

About

It

vii

It’s a deep

Dark

Cold

And lonely lake

viii

It’s a room full of people you love looking down their noses at you and saying

You’re

Not

Good

Enough

And you will never be

ix

It says I’ll never let you go

Anything you do,

Anywhere you run,

I’ll be there

A jealous lover

Who can’t stand for you to be around anyone else

When it’s not breathing down your neck

x

And yes,

The struggle never ends,

In my experience

But the cost is too high to give up

Because maybe one day I’ll be fine

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About greentea2177

Studying Politics and Writing Studies in Auckland, NZ. Any feedback - harsh or kind regarding my writing is appreciated. I'm not interested in what you have to say about me personally, or my views.

Discussion

2 thoughts on “Heavy

  1. Great job putting this into words, it’s very powerful.

    Posted by karifrances | November 21, 2014, 12:56 am

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