Leaving You

Blinded I love you

Once, twice

By all accounts a fool

I cling

To sordid memories

In hindsight my joy

Recurrent manipulation

 

The harder I clamp on

The ghostly-er you become

Slipping away as I claw at strings

Fruitlessly

You’ll never win what cannot be bought

 

Every song I hear is about you

My travesty

Every word that I write abhors what you do to me

It’s a mess and we’re so far tangled

I love that you need me

Ignoring the fact that you’re using me like a seat

 

The three foundations of a relationship

The kind I always dreamed of

The kind that is realistic

Aren’t here

Support – you were late

You forgot, you slept in

Excuses and lies they blur into one

You need me but I don’t need you to survive

Leeching and undercutting my hard work and surmise

My depression is my own fault

I’m wallowing, wanting it

As if I’d request er to feel this cold way

Loyalty – you lost it

If ever you had it

A wink to a flapper

Is bad as if you fucked her

But no,

I’m the irrational one,

The crazy obsessive girl too in love for her own good

Wanting too much

Demanding what I’m not worth

Circles I run in my head

Refusing to come to the only conclusion

You don’t really love me.

Just shutting it out

Play the game for another day

Reciprocal love is the breaking point for me

I don’t want to hear your lips say that there’s no fire in your eyes when you see me

Too tired

To try

Bubbly I’ll never be

I feel like mushed road kill on the tyres of an old truck

Gory and ugly

Useless and trapped in my doom

When you ignore me

It’s the only thing to do

And the only thing I can’t bring myself to

Leaving you.

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